Motherhood

Today, my children woke up and cleaned the entire playroom to surprise me.  They made sure I had a delicious breakfast, lots of homemade cards, plenty of kisses and "I love you"s.  They were well behaved at church, helpful at home, and we had a delightful evening playing outside together.  In short, it reminded me of all the glorious reasons I love being a mother.  What I care most about, is that I raise people who are kind and considerate of others, so when I see that my children can think especially of what they can do that's nice for me, I feel like I might be doing ok at this.

But then, of course, bed time rolled around.  You might think that after a busy, fun day, they would happily go to sleep, all tired out from running around the back yard.  Ha! I've been at this parenting gig for 8 years, I should know better.  We had baths and read books, talked about the day and I sang; but still they got out of bed and whined about being hungry, or lonely, or whatever the convenient excuse is for not staying in bed.  I was frustrated: I gave it my all today, but no matter what, it never seems to be enough.  I guess they like me (or something).

And of course, there was the moment in Relief Society when we were singing "Families Can Be Together Forever" and I thought of the little boy who isn't part of our family here on earth, and the tears came.

All of that is motherhood.  It's the joy of laughing and playing with your children, and seeing them demonstrate that some of the things you are teaching them are making a difference.  It's the frustration when they don't seem to be learning the things you teach and the exhaustion at having to teach the same. thing. over and over and wondering if you will be teaching them this same thing for the rest of their lives.  It's heartache over the losses.  Maybe not the loss of a baby, maybe the lack of a baby, or the loss that accompanies a child with challenges.  All of these things combine to make motherhood a richly complicated experience that shapes each woman-whether there is someone who calls her "mom" right now or not.  Motherhood is the single most challenging thing I have done with my life.  It has brought me some of the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows I have experienced and it has changed me.  Being a mother is only one part of my identity, but it has shaped so many other parts of my identity.  It has brought me closer to my own mother as I constantly seek her wisdom and guidance to help me be a better mother (my mom truly is the best).  It has brought me closer to God as I glimpse the love that He must feel for me as my Parent, which includes allowing me to experience hard things.  As I go through all the experiences of motherhood, I am eternally grateful to have Spencer as my co-parent to balance out my weaknesses, celebrate the successes, and problem solve the challenges.  

   In this most challenging of roles, it is so necessary to have the support of other moms-friends and family both younger and older-to cheer me on and commiserate when it's hard.  So, to all the glorious women in my life, Happy Mother's Day!