A Birthday

Our precious little girl, Amelie Grace, joined our family Tuesday evening at 5:57 pm.  Right now she's sleeping like an angel snuggled on my chest.  I love little newborns! 

Since I tend to enjoy reading them, and I probably won't honestly get around to writing it in my journal, I will recap her birth story.

Once again, my mom has impeccable timing.  When Liam was born, my mom happened to have her flight scheduled (weeks in advance) for the day we got home from the hospital so we made the most of her 10 days of help.  This time around, my mom booked a flight to get here yesterday morning, but discovered she booked in in the wrong direction and had to change it.  Both she and I felt like Monday morning was a better day to come.  Well, Monday we got a bunch of last minute things checked off the list and went out to dinner where I started to have more and more contractions.  I knew labor was coming.  I took a nice warm shower and went to bed so I could get some in case labor started that night.  I woke up around 2 am with stronger and more uncomfortable contractions, which felt very uncomfortable in bed.  I thought I was getting too excited so I decided to try and relax.  I knew Spencer hadn't been getting a lot of rest lately, so I let him sleep while I managed the contractions.  I figured if we did have the baby, at least he could be rested to help take care of her while I recovered.  By 5 am I was pretty tired so I slept between contractions for a few hours.  Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and by 7:30 I woke Spencer up and told him I thought today would be the day.  I was still a little worried that my contractions were exaggerated by my excitement.  By 8:15 it seemed pretty clear that they were every 5 minutes and getting stronger, so I decided to take a real shower and get ready to go to the hospital. 

By 10, we were at Labor and Delivery, but unfortunately they weren't very eager to get  me into triage.  I was getting more and more uncomfortable and a little stressed.  I had no idea how dilated I was, but I since I tested positive for Group B Strep, I knew I had to have antibiotics for several hours before she could be born, so I was a little anxious.  Also, I really wanted a reference for how long I might have to endure.

Once in triage, they determined I was dilated to a 5.  I was a little disappointed but I knew that would give me some time to get the antibiotics going.  However, by the time I made it from triage to Labor and Delivery, the Dr. determined I was dilated to a 7!  2 cm in less than 1/2 hour.  I felt very encouraged after that thinking I could have one course of antibiotics and then have the baby. 

Not so.  They hooked me up to the I.V. and fetal monitors and while I was allowed to move around a little, I had to stay down for a while so that I didn't progress too quickly.  Contractions slowed after that, although I still felt tremendous pain in my back every 5-7 minutes.  After several hours more, I was exhausted and felt like I had reached my limit.  I had been awake with little sleep since 2 am, bad back labor, little food and no end in sight.  At that point it was 2:30 and the nurse said they had to wait until 4 to give me the second round of antibiotics.  I told Spencer I couldn't do it.  I said I was too exhausted and I didn't think I would even have the energy left to push by the time I got there. Spencer was amazing and told me no matter what I decided it was ok and I had worked very hard, but he believed I could do it.  Through every contraction, he held my hand and breathed with me to relax.  I truly couldn't have done it without him.

After that, I calmed down and was able to sleep a little bit in between contractions until at 4:30 the Dr. came back to check my progress.  I was extremely disappointed to find that I was still at a 7.  Four and a half hours of labor for nothing.  I started to panic.  The dr. said they would break my water and see how I progressed from there, otherwise they would have to start pitocin.  The nurse (who also happened to be a midwife) mentioned an epidural and I said I thought I wanted one, but she said once they broke my water she thought I would progress really fast.  I said ok, knowing that the worst was ahead of me.

Since they were concerned about a prolapsed cord, the Dr. said I had to lay on my back for 30 minutes to let the baby descend gradually and then I could get up if I needed.  At this point, I had spent most of the last 5 hours on my back and was not thrilled about it, but my top priority was the safety of my baby, so I knew I had to just bear it.  With every contraction I focused on relaxing and letting the contraction bring down my baby; these just had to be productive.  The pain was agonizing, and even worse if I didn't intensely focus on relaxing.  The only thing that got me through was Spencer's gentle squeeze and loving support telling me I could do it and I was doing great.  I know you hear a lot of women get angry at their spouses for saying those things during labor, and a part of me inside did think "easy for YOU to say relax and let the contractions do their job", but I knew his words were genuine and his support was unfailing. 

Forty five minutes later, I asked Spencer if I had made it through the 1/2 hour mark and he said it had been longer.  I felt the panic rising again.  I said "This baby is never going to be born" and I think I might have actually believed it momentarily.  Fortunately, at that moment the Dr. came in and said I just to lay on my side for a second and then I would be at a 10 and ready to push.  I barely rolled over and felt an intense urge to push.  The Dr., nurse/midwife, and another nurse rushed over ready to deliver my baby.  I knew I could do it and felt the adrenaline rush knowing my baby was going to be born.  2 pushes and the head was out, one more and the shoulders were quickly following.  The cord was loosely around her neck, so the dr. had to quickly cut the cord, resulting in a shower of cord blood covering the room and Spencer.  One final push and I was holding my baby.  I couldn't believe I did it! 

Phew, now there's something to check off the bucket list: birth a baby drug free, check.  But a few days later, I find the experience much more meaningful.  When Liam was born, I had a beautiful, calm, peaceful birth where I felt in control of every push and completely free from fear and pain.  It was a wonderful birth, but it felt so easy I almost felt like I cheated.  I've always been someone who likes to do hard things to prove that I can.  I feared child birth for a number of reasons.  I was afraid that I am a wimp and I wouldn't be able to handle it and when I gave up I would feel like a failure.  In truth, there were moments I really wanted to give up, and if I had I really believe that I wouldn't have felt like a failure because of how far I did make it.  More importantly though, I was afraid of how I would handle such an intense experience.  In one of my birth books it talked about the way you handle Transition phase of labor brings out your very basest personality, and I guess I was afraid of finding out who I really was.  In the end, this was an experience that exposed me to myself, and I like what I found.  I think in many ways that has helped me with the transition to 2 kids (but honestly, my wonderful mother and her selfless service caring for our family probably has made the transition easiest).  This experience has changed me for the better, and so I understand why women would do it again.  Then again, I feel like if circumstances end up like they did with this labor, I would gladly have an epidural and not feel any guilt about it.  This might be a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me, but I'm glad I had it.

Phew, so there you have it.  And of course, the pictures of our precious angles.